I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
