i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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