I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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