wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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