3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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