so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
