Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
