I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
