He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
