Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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