I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
