I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
