hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
