Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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