Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
