So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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