haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
