I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize