I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
