Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
