I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
