u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
