apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
