She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
