You just made me feel so damn special
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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