Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
