I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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