So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
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I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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