Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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