so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
