There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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