How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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