she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
