I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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