DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I pour the whiskey from now on
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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