I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
