its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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