my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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