cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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