Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
