saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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