Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
don't judge my taste in strippers
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
