giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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