Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Randomize
