I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
