her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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