it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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