last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
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Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
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My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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