oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
