i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
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You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
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You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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