That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
