I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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