I want to make a zoo with you.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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