I feel great
I just peed on a car
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
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She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
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She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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