We're facebook friends in real life
This is not my ceiling
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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