What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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