Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize