Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
