I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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