I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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