I showed him my bush... on skype.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
