My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
