I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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