Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
