Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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