i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
