walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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