I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
lets start a swedish sibling band together
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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