I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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