Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
