oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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