Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
